1. |
Coming of Age
00:45
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This is the story of coming of Age
It comes to us all at some stage
You’ve got to give in and accept it with grace
The best things in life are staring you in the face!
Embrace it with enthusiasm, you will be surprised
At how things can develop before your very eyes
You’ve got to accept it for better or worse
But it’s best if it comes with a tune and a verse!
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2. |
I lived With Monkeys
04:12
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I Lived With Monkeys Words & music by A.D. Ryan
When I was a young thing I travelled down to Cornwall
To join a hip community on the south coast by the sea
Twas in the years of Thatcher, I knew I couldn’t catch ’er
So I followed my inclination to the Monkey Sanctuary
A tribe of woolly monkeys and an assorted bunch of humans
Lived side by side and cheek by jowl in relative harmony.
We had a predilection, a Bohemian jazz connection
I was a monkey keeper at the Monkey Sanctuary.
I lived with monkeys, I lived with monkeys
Leaves, carrots, seaweed, brown rice and honey
Django, used to fancy me
Now I’m old, monkeys only want me for my money.
On a cliff-top sat an old house with ancient woods around it
There were bats in the rafters and jackdaws in the trees
There was Flyn, the giant wolf-hound and prairie-dogs in the garden
But the bestest thing of all, was the monkey colony.
The woolly monkeys dreamed of their ancestral home
The distant rainforests of Brazil and Uraguay
They never would return, their homeland slashed and burned
Now they lived in a commune beneath the Cornish sky.
I lived with monkeys, I lived with monkeys…..
In the warmer weather the visitors were many
I made dinner for Johnny Dankworth and tea for Cleo Lane
We ate macrobiotic, we were not idiotic
They knew where they could shove it if it caused them any pain
Well now I live in Portobello and I am the Cajun Queen
I only think of monkeys in the peacefulness of dreams
I remember the old times when I lived down by the sea
In those heady days of youth at the Monkey Sanctuary
I lived with monkeys, I lived with monkeys…..
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3. |
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4. |
Magic Lady Fingers
03:56
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5. |
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Artificial Hipster Remix Oct 2016 (Feb 2018)
Song by Anna Durkacz Ryan
Guitar intro then Fiddle riff x2
When I woke up in the morning Em
I couldn’t get out of bed B
Couldn’t even roll right over Em
So I went back to sleep instead. B
That was the way of it Em
Couldn’t walk without crutches B
I could barely shift at all Em
I was cruising for a fall. B
So I waited on the list Em
Saw a physiotherapist B
Got so used to popping pills Em
Couldn’t tell if I was ill. B
Chorus No, no no no no no… Em B
Don’t give me that consternation, A
I’ve got 90 degree rotation Em
I’ve got full mobilisation A
Don’t need no manipulation B
Give me that emancipation A
I’ve got 90 degree rotation Em
I’ve got full mobilisation A
Don’t need no manipulation B
Fiddle riff x2
They put me in a hospital gown Em
In a lift I travelled down B
To the operating room Em
Wheeling me right to my doom B
Laid me out upon the slab Em
Another pill, another jab B
As I began to slip away Em
I saw the chainsaw come my way… B
Chorus: No, no no no no no…
Don’t give me that consternation, A
I’ve got 90 degree rotation Em
I’ve got full mobilisation A
Don’t need no manipulation B
Give me that emancipation A
I’ve got 90 degree rotation Em
I’ve got full mobilisation A
Don’t need no manipulation B
Fiddle riff x2
No, no no no no no no….
Slow down to finish
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6. |
Shite Credentials
04:07
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Shite Credentials (for a Rock Star) Dec 2017 AD Ryan
If you’re a country crooner, or a wannabe big rock star G C G
You need to have a story for when you’re propping up the bar G D
Well, my one is a good one, but it won’t get me that far G C
Coz unfortunately I have shite credentials G D G
Well, my daddy was a dentist and I went to a posh school
I never said a bad word, I never broke the rules
By the time that I reached 59, I realised that down the line
I’d learn at last to love my shite credentials.
Chorus Shite credentials, my shite credentials C G
If you let it do, it’s gonna drive you mental G D
But if there’s something that I’ve found C
It’s that you’ve got to look around G C
And find a way to love your shite credentials. G D G
Fiddle solo over chorus
Well, my daddy’s time was spent doing something dental
The language that we spoke, was something continental
My modus operandi was pure experimental
That’s how I learned to love my bare essentials.
Chorus
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7. |
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8. |
Portobello
04:09
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Portobello words & music Anna Durkacz Ryan
Em The sun is setting in the West,
D Portobello’s at its best
C Strolling in the fading light
B Ready for my gig tonight
Em Feel the sand beneath my feet
D Moving to the bossa beat
C Watch the waves lap on the shore
B I could never ask for more.
G When the winds come from the north chorus
D Raging on the Firth of Forth
C Home is where I want to be
A Portobello’s home for me.
fiddle instrumental over verse
Em Night lies tranquil on the beach
D Thoughts of love are out of reach
C Folks are gathering in the bar
B Can’t turn back, it’s gone too far.
Em Time to get up on the stage
D Fiddle’s tuned, brain engaged
C Time to let the music soar,
B I could never ask for more.
chorus followed by fiddle
repeat verse 1 and chorus
then fiddle and slow down to end
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9. |
Postmenopausal Women
02:02
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Post-Menopausal Women words & music: Anna Durkacz Ryan
To all you menopausal women
I think you know from where I’m coming…
Those night time sweats, they weren’t new
I got those daytime flushes too
If you knew how they made me blue
You’d know my heart goes out to you.
Chorus: There has come a major change
In the way I am arranged
Halleluya, glory be!
No more monthly agony
My sister’s on the HRT
I’m pretty sure it’s not for me
But now at last I feel I’m free
To be the me I want to be.
And age does bring its benefits
They come to you in little bits
The main one is, your kids are grown
And they done gone and left your home.
I have arthritis in the knee
Apart from that I’m truly free
To be the one that’s really me
In this post-menopausal spree.
So to all you menopausal women
I hope you know what you’ve got coming
The onset of maturity
Fear not, for it will set you free.
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10. |
In Praise of Polish
04:41
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In Praise of Polish words &music: Anna Durkacz Ryan
Intro: fiddle
I love the Polish language, with its sibilants such Em C
Logical, romantic and silky to the touch Em C
Onomatopaeic, with an underlying passion Em C
Soothing to the senses, when used in proper fashion Em C
So attuned to nature and the passing of the seasons Em C
Oh I love the Polish language, but there is another reason. Em C
Chorus Gonna get dangerous, gonna speak Polish Em C
Gonna get dangerous, gonna speak Polish G D
My car needed fixing, so I called for a mechanic
He came along, he was not Scots, Norwegian or Hispanic.
Neither was he English but a fine upstanding Pole,
Working, paying taxes, and never on the dole.
His phrasing was immaculate, his syntax was so cute.
His request for a cup of tea was beautifully put.
Chorus
He started working on my car with his toolkit and his spanner
And proceeded to articulate in a fine linguistic manner.
I was flattered by his use of words, his grammar was exquisite,
His perfect mending of my car required a second visit.
Chorus
Intent on demonstrating, with a measure of restraint,
The Eastern European Man’s higher functioning brain,
He leaned in close and when he put his hand upon my knee,
I felt my legs go weak at the words he said to me.
“Czy to bajka, czy nie bajka, myslcie sobie jak tam chcecie,
Przeciesz ja wam opowiadam, Krasnoludki sa na swiecie!” x2
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11. |
Technobabble
02:41
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Technobabble November 2016
words & music: A. D. Ryan
Laying back watching telly G
When I got a call on the phone C G
I’m calling you from Microsoft G
There’s major hacking going on G D
You’ve got to discombobulate G
Or you security’s at stake C
So follow these steps one to eight G
It’s easy and it’s not too late! D
Press down on keys three and nine G
Next press enter, you’ll be fine C
Then register to pay online G
And your money will be mine! D G
Chorus
You’ve been scammed, you’ve been scammed C G
They bamboozle you with technobabble just because they can G D
When you agree, to pay the fee C G
It’s too late to back out, and you’re a muppet just like me. G D G
Fiddle solo, over verse
Now just don’t get me started
On the online dating scam
It’s perfect territory
For the predatory man.
He’ll tell you that he loves you
And he’s coming home to you
And then before you know it
He’s got all your money too
You thought that you could trust him
And he needed extra dosh
But when you sent it to him
He vanished in a flash.
Chorus
Once I was awarded
A major music award
I’d just sent them a video
It wasn’t very hard
They promised global coverage
They promised instant fame
All I had to do
Was sign up to their game
We would play in Tokyo
We would play in Rome
Everyone would love me
And I’d never be alone
Unleash me on the internet
And I will be your prize
Register your bank account
For another big surprise…..
Coz you’ve been scammed
Yeah you’ve been scammed….
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12. |
Wishful Thinking
04:09
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Wishful Thinking Anna Durkacz 26/9/16
There was this guy, he caught my eye D
He was quite nice, but I was shy. G D
I kept my distance, I watched and listened D
Until I knew that it was time to try. D A D
Life in the city, full of surprises
Who would believe that this could be?
We went to ceilidhs, laughing and dancing
At last I knew he was the one for me.
So we went busking and we made a fortune
We spent it wisely as I knew we would.
A herd of reindeer and a pair of sled dogs
Took to the hills as I knew we should.
From spring to summer we travelled northwards
Along the great West Highland way.
We built a yurt from hides of reindeer
And every night we’d sing and play.
Beneath the stars we made sweet music.
It floated out to the Western Sea
Then we lay down on a bed of heather
And the rest is history.
The lonely mountains gathered round us
And soon the snow began to lie.
And so we turned our weary footsteps
Towards the south and humankind.
The city beckons, old lifestyles call
The Christmas ceilidh is drawing near.
I am allowed some wishful thinking
At least one time in every year.
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13. |
Val Vamp at 60
03:19
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Val Vamp at 60 March 2018: ADRyan
Box and guitars (softly) Em chord to start
Remember, Linda, when we were wee, Em C
And you were a big girl in Primary Three, G D
And me, just a baby in Primary Two Em C
Had we an inkling of what we’d go through? G D
Your raven locks and your dimpled face Em C
Just a little one starting out on that old rat race G D
Who knew then what cards we’d be dealt, Em C
What decisions we’d make and what passions we felt? G D
1, 2, 3, 4…..
1) Never thought you’d be singing with a boy band A
Up on the stage, with the mic in your left hand A
Val Vamp, what a champ, with your Distortion Unit D
What a show, get down low and put some feeling in it D
2) Didn’t know that you were such a funky chick A
Until I realised that you could always have the pick A
From the crowd, always holding your own, D
You are a demon on the microphone. D
Bridge A G D A sax comes in here
3) You got my back, you are my resistor, A sax
You cover for my mistakes just like a sister A
Val Vamp, what a champ, with your Distortion Unit D
What a show, get down low, and put some feeling in it. D
4) You got the rhythm when you playin on your big box A sax
You keep us dancin when we should be doing detox A
Val Vamp, what a champ, with your Distortion Unit D
What a show, get down low, and put some feeling in it. D
Bridge A G D A
Repeat Verse 1 & 2, then Bridge x2, then slow down to end
Bridge
A G F sharp D
G F E C
D C B G
A
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14. |
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Things You Need to Remember February 2017 ADR
If you’ve been up North with the norovirus D
Please remember this:
When we get to meet again
Don’t greet me with a kiss.
When you’re singing in a band G
And the words just slip your mind,
An incidental instrumental D
Always works, you’ll find.
When you’re out a-walking A
With your old man in the dark G
Put on his flashing collar D
Or you’ll lose him in the park.
Instrumental - sax
When eventually it happens D
You’ve forgotten where you are,
The name of every pub
Is written just outside the bar.
To help you to remember
A little aide-memoire
Thirty days hath September
Wherever the hell you are
Where did you leave your glasses? G
Well honey, don’t forget!
You took them off to have a shower D
To save them getting wet.
Sax solo
When you’re playing at a session
Open up your fiddle case
You look inside and all you see
Is just an empty space
The trials of a musician
Are never to be doubted
You do your best when put to test
And all the rules are flouted.
I can cope with lapse of memory
If you remember this:
When we get to meet again
Just greet me with a kiss.
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15. |
Mabel on a Saturday
03:53
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Saturday Feb 2018 ADR
Intro: sax descent x2 over chorus chords, box descent
1) For months it’s been a Saturday E
You’ve been released to travel D A
Your little trip to ecstasy G
While I look after Mabel E
But I’m changing that to Tuesday night E
You’ll just have to reshuffle D A
It’s time for my adventure now G
My cards are on the table. E
Coz when the sun goes down, once again Em C
I’ll leave it all behind me and forget the pain G D
Well now it’s my turn, that’s how it’s gonna be Em C
Heaven’s coming down on a Saturday G D
Gonna be Sa-tur-day, gonna be Sa-tur-day Em C
Hmmm…
Round chord cycle x1 (verse chords)
2) I could be walking in the country E
With my dog and my pal, D A
I could be gigging with the Professors G
In the Cafe Royal. E
I could be working with my bees
At the bottom of the garden
Or sipping a martini
With someone I’ve now forgotten.
Chorus
Sax solo (over chorus)
Repeat Verse 1
Chorus
Sax reprise, with band singing “Saturday…Saturday...”
x3 cycles
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16. |
Fantasy Blues Band
04:04
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Fantasy Blues Band October 2017 ADR
As soon as I stood up there, I knew I was in heaven G
It’s what I had dreamed of since the age of fifty seven C
But I never could foresee, it was just a fantasy G
That it all could come together in a way that could really be…. D
My fantasy blues band so hip and so cool G
This has been my daydream since my kids left school C
You’ve got to be groovy and you’ve got to have hair G
Yer no good if you canny dance or if you’re a square. D
My fantasy blues band......intro band
The Professors of Logic will tip you the wink
It’s what we profess, but not what you think
Sandie on the saxophone and Linda on the box
I’ve wanted to do this since I was wearing little white ankle socks.
But now I am older all grown up and mature
Much water has passed under my bridge
And my actions are more sure
I know just what I want, and I know just what I need:
I want to sing in a blues band and I swear I will succeed.
My fantasy blues band…..
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17. |
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At the Bottom of the Garden ADR
Sax intro: descent x2
At the bottom of the garden D
Is a secret place I go D
When the world’s getting too much for me C
And I want to be alone A
Where I go to raise my spirits up D
When I’m feeling kinda blue D
And I know no-one will follow me C
Coz they’re scared of what I do. A
Beekeeping, keeps me fit G
Beekeeping, ain’t no shit D
Beekeeping, it’s the thing to do G
When you hit sixty flying A
It’s just the job for you! A
descent x2
Endorphins coursing through my veins D
Dopamine flooding my brain D
I know what it’s like to be insane C
When I’m beekeepin A
I’m like a girlie in my teens D
Can’t concentrate, I’m in between D
I’m so obsessed and yet so mean C
When I’m beekeeping. A
Beekeeping, keeps me fit G
Beekeeping, ain’t no shit D
Beekeeping, it’s the thing to do G
When you hit sixty flying A
It’s the thing for you! A
Beekeeping, come on open up that hive! G
Beekeeping, it’s great to be alive! D
Beekeeping, come on, fire up that old puffer, G
Pull on your suit, put on your boots A
You lazy old duffer! A
Sax descent x2
followed by solo over verse chords
La bas dans le jardin D
y a une espace toute privee D
Ou je vais pour etre tout seul, C
tout seul ‘vec mes pensees A
C’est la que je fais la guerre D
Sur les lapins sauvages D
Qui mange mes pommes de terre C
I qui font de la ramage A
Double chorus
Sax descent x2
3rd descent, slow down to end
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18. |
Sixty Four Wheel Drive
03:45
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64-Wheel Drive March 2018 ADR
I’ve always been a fiddler and I’ve tried some other things D
Until at last I felt the need to spread my little wings C A
So I turned round and I saw him standing there D
Big Al at 64 years old, and none the worse for wear C A
He was the blackbelt master of the grooviest guitar D
I wanted to learn some so I sidled up to the bar C A
Bought him a double whisky and a wee snifter for myself D
I said “You gotta teach me, I’ve put my fiddle on the shelf” C A
I said teach me, teach me, teach me guitar G
You can teach me in the bathroom, you can teach me in the car D
Come on, come on, come on, give me a lesson, G
You know you really want to so just cut the discussion A
He’d come down from the mountains in his flashy 4-wheel drive
Just survived a snow storm and was glad to be alive
He said It’s gonna cost you, you must be aware
My services don’t come cheap, so you must be prepared
If you help me with my bees, then I’ll pay you in honey
But if you teach me guitar, that’s worth much more than money
So I snuck up behind him when he thought he was alone
And I filmed his finger-action on my little mobile phone.
Send me, send me, send me the bill
You can teach me in the garden, you can teach me on the hill
You can teach me in the kitchen when you’re cookin up a meal
Just don’t forget for Gods sake send me the bill.
Always resort to trickery when you are in a pickle
It gets you what you want, by hook or crook or fiddle
You will get what you deserve however you connive
I finally got a lesson from my 64-wheel drive
Teach me, teach me, teach me guitar
You can teach me in the bathroom, you can teach me in the car
Come on, come on, come on give me a lesson
You know you really want to so just cut the discussion
Send me, send me, send me the bill
You can teach me in the garden, you can teach me on the hill
You can teach me in the kitchen when you’re cookin up a meal
Just don’t forget for God’s sake send me the bill.
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